Gay by association

I got the tattoo in the photo this summer, needless to say it was called “gay” a few times and that got me thinking…

Let me start this off by saying that though I am not homosexual, I have been called gay a million times. In high school this bothered me to the point of questioning it, it didn’t take much time to realize that was simply not even worth questioning. After I graduated high school I realized that a few of my friends were gay and was once again back to asking questions, I came to the conclusion that I still was not gay, but it was at this point that I realized I saw no difference.

I should explain that while my parents have always made it very clear that “Condellos” accepted everyone, the school and church we attended had very different views. We attended a pentecostal church and a small private school that was part of the church, they taught creation exclusively and took a harsh stand against homosexuality. The funny thing is looking back on it now I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything, religions like this are the reason I find it necessary to question everything and everyone I encounter in life.

So back to my point… Though I don’t get to talk to him anymore and I haven’t seen him in a year, one of my best friends in the world happens to be gay. As I sit here typing this morning thinking about how many people I know that are gay… I mean some of the coolest people I have ever met… Artists… I mean incredible artists… The kind that do work that will just blow your mind! Gardeners that have created dream spaces in their backyards that make me so jealous I see stars… I don’t even see them as gay anymore, the notion of a difference between us just doesn’t seem to register anymore… It seems silly to me…

They are my neighbors, friends and family, and I don’t know what I would do if I did not have them to draw inspiration from. People including me used to say “that’s gay” as a way of saying something is “not cool”, I think people are just now starting to realize how wrong of a statement that is.

I guess the moral of this post is that I am proud of the fact that I have matured to a point where I no longer sub-consciously ask the question “is this person gay?” anytime I meet someone new, I don’t even care because it makes absolutely no difference to me. Guilty by association is a term that’s been used in my life a few times… I find it funny because in this case it would make me gay by association, but the more I thought about it I realized how proud of myself I am to be comfortable enough to say to the thirty or so people who read my blog, that I am proud to be “gay by association”!

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21 thoughts on “Gay by association

  1. LB says:

    Wish I could say it better … but really great job here, Chris!


  2. Laird Will says:

    Well said, Chris. Proud to have found your blog.


  3. kanundra says:

    The tattoo is wonderful 🙂


  4. Kozo says:

    Great post, Chris. Wouldn’t it be great if whenever someone called us gay, we could respond “no, but thanks for the compliment”?


  5. Thank you for posting this.


  6. chef mimi says:

    Well put! You must have an old soul. Take good care of it!


  7. rubyblue32 says:

    This is a great post in a lot of ways. Labels bother me. All labels. You’re dumb. You’re smart . You’re nice. You’re not. How about , “I’m human. I’m a reader. I like the color orange. Pickles are cool. ” What is it with the majority of people and labels? If they can’t find one for you , it’s like it scares them. How small there world must seem! 🙂


  8. Heather says:

    Great tattoo…thanks for stopping by…


  9. tfaswift says:

    P.S. I love your tattoo.


  10. tfaswift says:

    That’s a really great post. I get along really well with gay people myself especially women who are lesbian or bi. I think we are all moving towards a more androgynous world anyway, and I think it has something to do with becoming more balanced on the whole and being equally in touch with our masculine and feminine qualities.


  11. boZannical says:

    Nice! My partner was raised in a Pentecostal family in Fresno, CA, and has less-than-fond memories of the psychology of his upbringing (though his family is still welcoming/tolerant when we visit). Myself, I grew up in a weird little NorCal town that had a dichotomy of rednecks and hippies, and was fortunate to be left alone by rednecks despite coming out at the age of 13. So many varied experiences out there.

    Ramble, ramble. Anyhoo, nice post! Doesn’t hurt that you’re adorable, too. 🙂 Like the sprout tattoo, btw…


  12. DUH'Merica says:

    Nice post, it’s nice that you have such a good perspective about people. I was an athlete for most of my early life and was very, very homophobic. Mainly because I was ignorant and didn’t know any gay people. Then I worked with a couple gay guys in college and realized that, aside from who the slept with, we were very similar. Those two guys changed my perspective on life and I’m glad I had that experience. I think it takes experiences like that for people to mature.


  13. OyiaBrown says:

    Reblogged this on Oyia Brown and commented:
    Nicely written.


  14. This is one of the most profound posts I have read about homosexuality. It doesn’t talk about their rights, about straight people being teased by labeling them as ‘gays’, etc. but about not caring about ones sexuality, and caring about ones individuality only.
    Simple, yet the best. Thanks.


  15. Kevin says:

    Thanks for this honest post. I am gay. When I was younger, it was important to give myself that label. Now, not so much. Sexuality is such a small part of who we are. I’d much rather be seen as a gardener, writer, social worker, kind person — who just happens to like brussel sprouts and is gay.


  16. mancoach4903 says:

    I read your post with a great deal of interest. I have never been thought to be gay, but the need to slap a “label” on individuals drives me wild. In my dream world, I wish people would take time to get to know a person for they decide who or what they are. Thanks for expressing and thanks for visiting my post and liking “Spring Memory”.


  17. bcumings1973 says:

    I’m definitely gay by association. Proud to be so.


  18. Oh, Chris, I was raised in a similar chruch and attended the same kind of school, which made it really tough for me to ultimately accept my sexuality. Your tattoo is totally cool!


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