Unforgiving Places – Sky to Falling Sky

End of another Day - The Barn at Soergel Hollow - Evans City, PA

End of another Day – The Barn at Soergel Hollow – Evans City, PA

Time for me to get out of this unforgiving place…
Sun on my back and the wind blows on my face…
Time to run from the never ending pain…
Four hours till darkness and no sign of rain…

Under the full moon I quietly hug the end…
A law is to be broken and rules will bend…
Stars brightly shine from sky to falling sky…
Sobriety is low and the good memories high…

Windows cracked open to let in the warm breeze…
The ground settles down as the trees lose their leaves…
Distant train warning approaching with speed…
Another soul in back while the others take the lead…

How long must one wait to understand paradise…
The breeze through the trees is my only advice…
Heavens gates separate the mighty church and state…
When the trees lose their leaves we will understand fate…

Broken branches fall in the storm of our existence…
Life is of hardships and death is of resistance…
Mountain sides slide into the shaded valleys below…
A swamp simply sits while the great rivers flow…

To give is to practice empathy like planting a seed…
The poor become flowers while the rich nurture weeds…
Into the forest a mother chases her one and only son…
Only after death do the different function as one…

plant petunias and question everything – chriscondello

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Memories in Orange – Yellow and Blue

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“Yellow Skeletons on Distant Blue” – Frick Park – Pittsburgh, PA – Standing on the side of a mountain… Photograph of the trees…

Excuse me while I slip out the door…

Memories… Memories of another time…
Memories of my darkest hours… Days… Weeks… Years…

I have been to the end before… A land of perpetual night…
Even in the darkness we must strive to see the light…
Self inflicted pain hangs from an orange extension cord…
Surrounded by needles… Surrounded by rotting boards…

Fate is an excuse we blame when life has got us down…
Heaven is alternative to our souls rotting in the ground…
Experience is relative… Darkness is a state of mind…
Walk across the dirty water and you are who you’ll find…

Blood in the water… Muddy sewers mainline to nowhere…
Mind like a pantry… Shelves empty and the fridge is bare…
Alone in this nightmare because no one knows the lie…
If a junky dies in the city… Does anyone care if he cries…

Orange street light reminder of the places I have been…
When you fight a dragon choose a sword over a pen…
Frost falls on the minds of those who lay out in the cold…
Every one of us dreams about the rainbows promised gold…

plant petunias and question everything – chriscondello

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In the Dark – Stay Outside and Play

Ramp

“In the Dark” – Whitney Avenue – Wilkinsburg, PA

I am but a tiny being on this massive rock… I am a rock…
I am but an observant soul… Lost… Looking for a way to be found…
Looking for a way to ask for something I can’t define…
Looking for that elusive sign… Looking for myself…
Searching through the darkness…
Realizing I am of the darkness…

All is well… Everything is just peachy…
My lie of a smile denies you the real me…
Blue skies combined with yellow clouds in gray…
Evenings approach ushers in another orange day…
Another day of labor… Another day in the heat…
Another day I didn’t wave the white flag of defeat…

Ninebark

“Ninebark at Night” – Whitney Avenue – Wilkinsburg, PA

I am a fighter… I am on the outside one-percent…
And I have no desire to come inside…
I have no desires because my addictions took them away…
Fingerprint ID and the mug shot to display…
That is why I garden… That is why I plant seeds…
That is why I consider you when figuring for my needs…

I am not equal to anyone… I am six-feet below you…
I am staring up at the ground looking for a new view…
Looking for a way to erase these horrid memories…
Looking for a way to find peace with my enemies…
Looking for a way to find peace with myself…
With my memories… With my past… With you…

plant petunias and question everything – chriscondello

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Dreams of Paradise in Orange

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“Perfect Fleabane” – Hamnett Way – Wilkinsburg, PA – Beauty in the ordinary… Hope in the gutter…

Orange glow from the buzzing street lights…
Shining through the blinds of my broken windows…
Cool air sending me off to honeysuckle dreams…
Cool air coupled with the full moons beams

My body is in paradise… But my mind resents…
Among the sleepy trees and urban spring scents…
Surrounded by the energy of those who no longer…
The ability to perceive will only make us stronger…

The pain in your mind is probably a product of me…
Close all the windows… Light a candle and see…
I am still standing… I am a ghosts from your past…
I am a green thumbed vagabond and I expect to last…

Despite your best attempts to silence all my voices…
Talking trash and stacking shit to take away my choices…
I still have a voice… I still have a mind… I still have you…
I still have what most people consider a deeply flawed view…

Reality is relative… Reality is individuality…
Reality is a fucked up place you’d have to cut out of me…
When my mind is idle I dream of the most messed up scenes…
Heroin memories in the gutter dissolve into lucid dreams…

All encompassing reflections of pure misery and pain…
When I’m down I swear needles fall from the sky like rain…
Needles always land with their point to the ground…
Every day I try to scream but can’t muster a sound…

I feel so lost… I feel alone… I feel destroyed… I am beat…
If I had a white flag I would wave it in defeat…
Memories flash through my head like brilliant bursts of light…
Realize I’ve lost my mind but at least I have my sight…

Take me to a greener land of Goldenrod and Ironweed…
Take me to your gardens grand and show me to your seeds…
Show me all the secret places that you find so grand…
A warm embrace is the only way to settle shaking hands…

plant petunias and question everything – chriscondello

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A Little Help from my Friends

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The following post was not easy to write… before the emails and comments start I have to say that I am alright… I won’t be accepting comments on this particular post… Read it for what it is… A deeply personal piece of art… Enjoy… plant petunias and question everything – chriscondello This work is licensed […]

Slaying Dragons – Felon Dreaming

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“The First Rays of Sunlight” – Frick Park – Pittsburgh, PA – An older photograph… But perfectly suited for this poem… This cairn is a representation of how I want to feel… I want rays of sunshine… Not the black cloud often seen following me…

Eyes on the ceiling… Back to the ground…
Rain drops drop in a rhythmic sound…
Thinking about how my life would be…
Living without heroin and a felony…

My arms show the scars of a million pricks…
Result of a mountain of heroin bricks…
Experience that only earned me a fight…
Desire to live lies in my will to write…

Writing is my last shot at redemption…
Art and photography my only salvation…
The few worlds where pain gets you paid…
One of the trades I bring in spades…

No options but to carve my own path…
Stand up and give the haters my wrath…
Take away my voice but can’t take my pen…
Thanks to God I still have a friend…

My only option is to continue writing…
Accept reality and continue fighting…
I will never be a part of the white-collar crowd…
Searching for a way to make someone proud…

Looking for a reason… A will to live…
A continuing reason to charitably give…
Locked out of opportunity… Left alone…
Societal failure… I’m on my own…

Can’t look down I gotta keep looking up…
When my glass is half empty I’ll hit you with my cup…
The world always seems to be pushing me down…
The jokes on you… My best work is on the ground…

plant petunias and question everything – chriscondello

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The Other Side of the Noose

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“Self Portrait” – © chriscondello 2013 – Conceptual Composition – Hamnett Way – Wilkinsburg, PA – Alley puddle… Mud… Food Coloring… And my reflection…

It’s 2 AM and sleep eludes me… Honestly… I don’t know how I ever sleep… I have gone 7 days without sleep or food… I’ve gone months without real rest… Shit… I’ve gone years without rest… The only difference now is the absence of opiates… I still can’t seem to shake the baggage…

Damn people… I’m really struggling…
Ups and downs like I’m constantly juggling…
The moment I stand I’m torn to the ground…
You chop me down without making a sound…

Five hundred and sixty five days clean…
Still not sure what they meant by serene…
I wish that I could unload these bags…
Even if it’s just my shitty used rags…

A hundred dollar camera… Decade old computer…
Tough to add value when you were just a junky user…
Resumes a joke… All my teeth are broke…
Writing this makes me want to cry and choke…

I need to find a place that I fit in…
A place where they will see past my grin…
A place where I can feel accepted…
Instead of feeling repeatedly rejected…

Until then… I’ll cover up with my hood…
Trying to find a medium that will be understood…
Took some time to look into school…
Met with roadblocks because I’m a felonious fool…

Someday I hope to find a way to make a dollar…
In industries dominated by brilliant fucking scholars…
Photography… Writing… Artistic behavior…
Doesn’t mean a thing unless your the lord our savior…

How can I compete against a CMU degree?..

I can’t…

I have to constantly remind myself I’ll be ok…
Suicide is not an option… I’d rather pray…
Pray to a god that doesn’t give a fuck about me…
Laughing at the broke guy writing about trees…

Empty wallet… Empty life… Another fucking joke…
Talking to plants… Perpetually broke…
What I lack in money… I make up in heart…
Praying for daylight… Another fresh start…

It doesn’t matter… I’ll just fuck it up…
Fill it up then spill the cup…
You make me painfully aware I have no value…
A sentiment that I was already aware…

I need to find my place on this earth…
A simple attempt to rationalize my birth…
I mean… You untied the noose around my neck…
I was happily dead during the Emergency check…

Why the fuck didn’t you leave me hang?..
Instead I’m here as a broken ass man…
I have the tracts to prove my stupid move…
Ten years spent in the heroin groove…

Try to get a job with that reference…

So tomorrow… I’ll take my cheap ass camera to work…
Till the earth with my broken pitch fork…
Dreaming… Believing my life will work out…
Believing there’s a reason I didn’t check out…

There has to be a place for me… I’m just not sure where to find it… Or… If it will find me…

Until then… I’ll keep on keeping on…

plant petunias and question everything – chriscondello

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